A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
