One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
