i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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