I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
