we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize