we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
