The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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