Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You ruined the universe
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
