Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
