Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
