i may or may not be watching the land before time
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Randomize
