Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
