Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Randomize
