you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
