Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
