you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
