i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
