Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
