The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
