I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
My pussy is not your playground.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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