she woke up with a sticky ear
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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