So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
