i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
