I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
