Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
