did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
