i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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