xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
