i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
