I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
