his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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