Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize