maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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