In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
