so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
