I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
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