The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
