Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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