Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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