he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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