Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I love you.
Bad choice
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