Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
