And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
