you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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