I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
