Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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