she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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