hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
they're like a gay fantastic four
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
