He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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