What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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