Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
