it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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