actually, I'm a sock model
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
