Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
