You just made me feel so damn special
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
