just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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