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we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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