Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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