BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
