I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
She needs sedatives and a leash
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
