I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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