well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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