If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
...so i touched it.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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