My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
