How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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