just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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