You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I wish my penis had an off switch
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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