I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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