his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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