i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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