At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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