I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
