there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
