Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
