What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
