so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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